I’m a Mom

The scent of bleach and Pine-Sol dance atop her wood floors, while fresh lines from the vacuum simultaneously decorate the carpet.

The entire scene is enhanced by the smell of the freshly lit candle, now flickering away,

Signifying that the school bus would soon appear and her morning job would be complete.

Her afternoon work would be full of math and reading and social studies homework; littered all over her freshly polished kitchen table until hungry bellies began to expect dinner; which she would soon make from scratch.

She serves her family and cleans up,

While they fill their bellies before she has the chance to even sit down at the dinner table.

As the formerly hungry bellies leave the table she tells herself she’ll “eat later.”

Before long the evening bedtime ritual is set to begin.

Clothes are laid out

Showers are taken

Stories are read

and

Perfect little people are safely and snuggly tucked into bed where

Sweet dreams awaited them.

Overwhelmed with both love and gratitude, she watched her perfect little person soundly sleep.

Soon she is interrupted by her own growling and still empty belly.

“I never did eat,” she reminds herself.

Passing the hallway mirror on her way to the kitchen, her reflection reflects a tired and stark face.

Having been so consumed with everyone and everything else all day,

She realizes that she never did get around to applying her makeup today

or

To change out of her workout clothes

or

Fix her wiry hair.

In that moment, staring at her reflection, she can’t help but wonder when or where she will ever find the time to

Fill her own belly

Apply her makeup

Fix her wiry hair

Put herself together in an outfit other than her morning Yoga gear

or

Honor a currently non-existent bedtime routine for herself?

Almost as fast as her wonder intruded on her thoughts, it was shut down by both shame and guilt.

“I’m a Mom,” she told herself, continuing to remind herself that,

“I have it all. What more can I possibly expect?”

And in that moment she went back to work, feeling oddly defeated and confused…

2 thoughts on “I’m a Mom

  1. Hi. I read your story on your son and how you went thru tethered cord surgery with him. My daughter is about to be 10 months and will have the same procedure in February. I am terrified and get so much anxiety almost everyday about it. I do have a lot of faith and know God will be there with her I would love to hear from you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Diana,
      Thank you for reading my story. I’m sorry to hear that your daughter needs to have surgery.
      I won’t lie to you. The day of Jack’s surgery was awful. Despite the fact that we were at Children’s Hospital, Boston and the Chief of Neurosurgery was operating on him, I was so scared and anxiety ridden I spent more time getting sick in the bathroom than in the waiting room.
      That being said, I can honestly tell you that once the surgery was finished and I knew Jack was safe, it wasn’t bad at all. We stayed in the hospital for three days. I stayed with him. For the first 24 hours he had to remain prone (lie on his stomach). He never expressed any discomfort whatsoever. Around the 18 hour mark of him being prone he started to get fussy and the doctor told me it was safe to pick him up and nurse him. Turned out that’s all he wanted. His fussiness stopped after nursing.
      We left the hospital with a healthy, happy one-year-old who literally WALKED into the house when we got home.
      To this day, he has never experienced any complications and is a healthy, happy, an active ten-year-old little boy.
      I hope knowing this helps ease your fears. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever have any questions, concerns, or just need to talk.
      I’d love to hear from you with an update on your baby girl’s progress! Good Luck!

      Like

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