What If?

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By my first wedding anniversary, I knew my marriage was doomed. During the twelve short months we had been married it was made crystal clear to me that, despite the birth of our first child just 1 month shy of our 1 year anniversary, he was who he was and he would never change; not for our child, not for me, and not even for himself.

Though I knew and understood this, I consciously chose to turn a blind eye to the glaringly obvious problems that plagued our marriage. I was over-the-moon-in-love with my son and fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home-mom; never having to make the heart-wrenching and difficult choice to enroll my child in a daycare center that so many hardworking and brave women do every single day. I made the concession that he would do as he pleased and I would exclusively care for our son and not bother concerning myself with him, much less what he was up to. I planned to live my days in that manner forever.

As my son grew older, our bond grew stronger and stronger. So connected,  I soon realized that it was only a matter of time before my son began to see his father through my eyes, and I didn’t want that for him. I so badly wanted my son to have a healthy, strong, supportive, and loving relationship with his father; developing his own feelings and coming to his own realizations about his father completely independently. So, about three years too late, I finally filed for divorce. Naturally, divorce is never easy and neither my ex-husband nor myself made any attempts to lessen the sting. Our four-year marriage managed to be dragged out over a completely unnecessary nearly three-year divorce process. Admittedly, I shut down and closed myself off to the idea of ever having a relationship again. I intended to raise my son and focus solely on him.

And then something amazing happened. I reconnected with a childhood friend and before I could even talk myself out of it, had fallen in love, became engaged, and remarried. Marrying my husband was the best decision I’ve ever made. He’s a wonderful man; a loving and supportive husband, hard-working provider, and exceptional father to our son.

Thank God I made that decision, for if I hadn’t chosen to take The Road Less Traveled, I would’ve missed out on the greatest love affair of my life.


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