I wasn’t naive, I knew the separation and eventual divorce would be difficult. I knew the hurt, anger, sadness, shock, denial, and disappointment of our failures would get the best of us, at least during the early stages. From Day One, I was right. You were awful, I was awful, some less than supportive family and friends were awful, the seemingly endless court dates were awful, and the most awful of all was explaining to our son that, while we still cared about each other and loved him deeply, we would no longer be living together in our house. Instead, we told him, he would live with me in our house and visit with you at your new house. Little did I know that as time passed, I would find myself learning to live without you entirely, and teaching our son how to live the same way; void of you entirely.
I never imagined a life for either of us without you in it. I believed you would always be there for our child; our only child, your firstborn son. I was confident that you and I would learn to effectively co-parent and enjoy watching our son grow together. I imagined us, together, watching him as he found his desk on his very first day of kindergarten. I imagined us proudly listening to him as he excitedly read aloud for the first time. I never imagined you’d miss all of his milestones once we divorced. But, sadly for you, you have.
To your detriment, you have lost both priceless and impressionable years and memories with him. You don’t know anything about him. Things like his favorite book, his favorite movie, his favorite subject in school, his favorite sports, foods, and color are all mysteries to you. As are his hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties.
He has a Dad. In fact, he has a great Dad who shows up for everything and knows all there is to know about him. He loves his Dad and his Dad loves him. He’s a happy, smart, funny, intelligent, rambunctious, well-liked, and beautiful little boy. He is the most compassionate, loyal, loving person, with the biggest heart, that I have ever had the privilege of knowing and loving. His hugs are magical. Its as if your entire body, heart, and soul are warmed from the inside when he wraps his little arms around you in only the way he can.
Despite his innocence, he has had to learn to live with your abandonment. Your absence, which you have consciously chosen to inflict upon our child, has caused a void that I fear may be forever beyond the compass of your understanding.