The Apologies That Never Come and Why We’re Better Off Without Them

“Treat others as you wish to be treated,” we are told from the time we can talk and understand rational conversation. Being good little girls and boys we adopt this philosophy and most of us do, in fact, treat others as we’d like to be treated. Ultimately though, there comes a day when someone, maybe a classmate on the playground or a colleague in the workplace, doesn’t reciprocate to our philosophy.

What happens then? Naturally, we expect an apology. To those of us whom treat others the way we wish to be treated it would seem a sincere, well thought out apology is the only logical remedy for our being wronged, our well-mannered behavior not being reciprocated.

I have spent many years waiting for an apology or two that I have come to realize I will never receive. Even if I were to receive these apologies they wouldn’t be the type I would want, believe, nor accept. Rather than being sincere and well-meaning, they would be forced and artificial.

Someone very close to me whom I admire and love dearly once gave me a piece of advice that has proven time and again invaluable. Upset and ranting and raving about someone “wronging” me, she told me “just because you’re nice to someone doesn’t mean they’re going to be nice to you. That’s not the way the world, or people, work.” In that moment I realized how idealistic and even immature I was. I’ve since learned to let things go. If someone “wrongs” me and they apologize, great. People don’t typically apologize unless they mean it so those apologies I cherish. If an apology never comes I’ve learned it speaks volumes more about the other party than it does me, and I’m probably better off without the artificial apology anyway.

4 thoughts on “The Apologies That Never Come and Why We’re Better Off Without Them

  1. People who are the closest to you have the most capacity to hurt you. This is but obvious and highly scary. So when you are in such a situation when you do get hurt and get hurt repetitively, what do you do? Do nothing and wait for it to go away? Move the person a bit farther away from you so you stop getting hurt so often? The second option sounds more appealing at times since you’re sick of feeling this way, but then again you don’t want those consequences… even though you get the feeling that the person might be taking you for granted. What do you do then? Again wait for it to go away and just ignore it? Show the person how wrong they are by making them realise you might not always be there? Again the second option would sound tempting if it weren’t so damn hard to do and you realise that the other person might be more important to you than you are to them… And you wish it could go back to how it was… Carefree (fine, more carefree than the present), less touchy, with less expectations… wish it would stop feeling vulnerable and stop wanting to lash out, only to realise that you can’t bring yourself to in the first place…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this post. I wrote a piece on sorry vs forgiveness back in August. For me I’ve found that apologies are helpful but sometimes those words are as you said artificial. Truly forgiving someone even if they don’t ask for it is the key to letting go. I don’t always forget but I will forgive and that is usually when I find peace.

    Liked by 1 person

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