Born the eldest of four to young, loving, hardworking, and, admittedly, overwhelmed parents I felt on overwhelming sense of soul crushing pressure. Pressure to make my parents’ happy, pressure to please my Nana and Papa, and, perhaps, the most complex, pressure to provide an example for younger siblings. For many, many years I did so, until I didn’t.
After spending many years “going through the motions;” going to college, getting married, having a baby, the house, two cars, a white picket fence, I found myself in a terribly destructive marriage. I knew I couldn’t allow my son to learn to be a man from the man I had married, but how could, I, the one whom had always been the “example” get a divorce? Turns out I just did it. Jumped in head first and didn’t look back.
While it wasn’t easy, it was by far the very best decision I’ve ever made for my child and myself. Growing up I was taught to go to school and get good grades, followed by college, and get a forty hour a week job with good benefits. Now, this is all well and fine. However, it was never me. My soul was never happy in these positions.
A few years after my divorce a childhood friend and myself reconnected and were married. Because he is so successful and because of where we live I have been free to explore and truly blossom into who I have always been; a writer. I have had my breakthrough or awakening, if you will.
Although I’ve been published I still find it difficult to tell people back home that I’m a “writer” for fear they won’t take me seriously. I’m learning to let go of that slowly. I’ve learned the best example I can be for my siblings and most importantly my son is to be the best version of myself that I can be, and I know this makes my parents proud.
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Well done!! The best thing we can do is to live for others, but don’t let our own self worth and happiness depend on their acceptance of how we live. Well written.
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Thank you!
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