This last surgery was a tough one. Well, actually, let me correct myself. The surgery was fine. The recovery has been dreadful. Just when I thought I was out of the woods and on my way back to my life, I found myself again, in a stark, white-cold hospital room, wearing nothing but the standard issue “johnny.”
This time was far worse. They pulled out all the stops this time. The NG Tube hurt so badly as the Resident forcefully shoved it up my right nostril, immediately causing what seemed like a waterfall of blood that would never stop. Oh and my throat. The pain in my throat, near indescribable. Despite my insistence that the NG Tube wasn’t placed properly, the doctors persisted, only to find out I was right all along. Needless to say, the misplaced, blood and pain inducing tube didn’t last long.
I was admitted at a solid 140lbs, perfectly healthy for a five foot seven woman. Today I’m tipping the scales around 118. I feel tired and weak. The clear liquid diet doesn’t bother me so much anymore. I’ve grown used to it. Interestingly enough, I’ve learned hunger fades and at some point one stops feeling the sensation of hunger. Missing it is a whole different beast, though. Oh how I miss feeling hungry and feeding said hunger with food that actually has consistency, texture, maybe even flavor.
Today though, I’m happy. No, I’m not happy, I’m Over The Moon! For today I am home with my child and husband. Today I was able to walk our dog and visit with a friend. Late this afternoon, as the sun began its descent and the moon began its ascent, I sat on the beach, surrounded by friends and neighbors, though largely alone with my thoughts, and watched as my son joyfully frolicked in the water. His carefree demeanor as he jumped off the dock and climbed back up time and time again was all it took for me to realize, I will climb back up time and time again, until this ordeal is through. I’m Over The Moon to know I don’t have much longer to wait for answers, I’m not terminally ill, and I’ll be more than okay. I will be great. Before long, my little boy won’t be the only one full of carefree energy as he jumps off the dock into the ocean and climbs back up again.
I’ll be right beside him, and I’m Over The Moon about it!